*In Love With The Past*

Why do we not have a time machine? I always thought it would be nice to gaze into your future and see what it holds.. See who you are going to marry, if you get that job, how cute your kids will be... But I think I would get the most use from a time machine by traveling back to my past. Re-living my first kiss, my first day of school, or my first time getting drunk( I'm sure I was a mess). I often find myself really missing things from my past. The friends you once had but don't anymore. The love you once had but don't anymore. I always miss the days of my girls. The bond all 6-7 of us had. We always had things to do and people to see. All the pictures we used to take and all the laughs we had. The older we get the more busy we are with our own lives and times of the Gracious Girls are more and more in the dark. Of course we find time to see each other and check in on each other but it will never be the same as it once was. I would love to re-live the times us girls partied all nights of the week and had "the hills" nights. Another thing I miss from my past are the people I have lost... Let's start waaayyy back with my best friends dad. He was one of the most AMAZING people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I can recall times he would scare the shit out of us with ghost stories or when he had the keys to the local middle school and we got to go swimming when no one was there. Derek Henry is another person I wish I could travel back and have fun with. One of my best friends by far. We would always go to his house and eat pudding and Pepsi, making fun on anyone who was on TV. We would ride around with friends and sing retarded songs like "Bartender" by rehab. Why is the past so far away??? If I could go back into the past I would go to where all anyone worried about was what they were wearing to the middle school dance. The past is as far away as yesterday.... I wish I could go back to my senior year and spend time with all the friends you thought you had. I would spend my time cuddling and laughing with that one guy who never failed to break my heart. If I could go back into my past knowing that our relationship wasn't going to work either way I would have spent that time cherishing it a little more. I would have spent that extra 5 minutes telling him what he really meant to me or given that extra goodnight kiss to keep him wanting more.. If you look into your past are you happy its over or sad that you can't go back? There are so many things in your past that you would change if you had the chance but then we wouldn't be the people we are today. Everything in our past repeats itself and reminds us that each day is something to cherish because you will look back and wish you didn't wish your life away. Everyone wants to be older or wants to rush the week away to something better. And then looking back you realize you never appreciated anything in the moment. The past is nothing more than your shadow haunting you and reminding you that what once was is now a memory you will long for later. Remember to love like you never been hurt, laugh when no one else is, and to dance in the rain. The past is something to learn and grow from. But you always have to remember the past is the past for a reason.. And the people from your past that aren't in your future aren't there for a reason. Your past is something no one can take away from you. But the most important thing about your past is to remember it's the past and nothing stays the same for long. So cherish everyday and remember it will be your past tomorrow. You past should be something you want to go back on and re-live. buuutttt spending too much time in your past will only make you miss out on an AMAZING future, which in time... will be your past :)

*Pick Your Poison*

Everyone has their "poison" that seems to wash away all their problems... I have many... Depending on the day and mood it varies from an ice cold Bud Light to some cheap tequila... What is it about alcohol that makes your worries and fears disappear?? Alcohol can turn a boring day into an interesting night. For my past birthday a couple of friends and I went to Panama City for Spring Break(which happened to fall on my birthday) and alcohol was our main man.. We drank sun up to sun down. One of those nights we went out to some club and the band was playing all of the songs a drunk wants to hear.. Being in my drunken stooper, I decided to get up on stage and dance with the band... This was followed by me(back towards the audience) trying to head-bang and GRACEFULLY falling backwards into the crowd, their mic in my hand... Besides the horrible bruises and sore ass the next day, it was a blast! Anyone that knows me, knows I would not be the skank girl dancing on stage on a normal night... But the liquor was flowing and I had ambitions of being a groupy... That is one week I will never remember but never forget.. Alcohol was our greatest asset. Ever heard the phrase "tequila loves me even when you don't?" well if you haven't; Use it and love it. Everyone wants to go out and get hammered after a heavy breakup or a horrible fight... why is that?? I believe I live this answer... The answer is because alcohol is always there. It's convenient, it's cheap, it doesn't have an opinion, and the more you drink the more you love the taste. You could be as sad as ever and after a few drinks you could care less that your boyfriend is mad or broke up with you.. You are more worried about this ugly guy following you around at the bar who wants to buy you drinks all night. Alcohol does have it's bad points and some people you learn to hate when they are all liquored up.. Ever had that stupid guy/girl who is drunker than a skunk, telling you their life story (which you could care less about) and then trying to get you to come home with them... These are what I like to call "DRUNK CREEPERS".. Everyone knows one.. and personally I would like to thank all these people because if they weren't around who would you talk about the next day or get to buy you white castle at the end of the night?? My point in writing this was simple... I love alcohol.. I am not an alcoholic but it is one of the best man made things we have... After a glass of wine, a bottle of beer, or a bottle of tequila; your lips starts to go numb, your smile widens and all yours cares in the world are drown into that bottle until reality hits you in the ass the next day... Now of course alcohol has its downfalls.. Its killed many people( people who shouldn't be drinking anyways), it causes families to break up( that should have been anyways) and it does sometimes, cause some nasty hangovers.. But who doesn't love it??? You get drunk, worry about yourself and your good time and that's that... One quote that I just love even though it really doesn't pertain to any of the above... "A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts"... Remember this next time you get that drunk dial! :)

To wish to be someone else is a waste of who you are

Everyone has their sad story and things they would love to change about themselves... When will this ever stop? Everyday we see someone driving down the road in a flashy new car and we wish we were the one driving; everyday we see the cute couple that makes us want to vomit and we wish we were "that guy" or "that girl"... Again, when will this ever stop?? The answer is never! Someone is always going to have what you don't. I have found the key to not letting yourself wish you were someone else is to make up stories in your head about these people... For instance, the cute couple that seems to follow you around right as you're feeling like there will never be anyone out there for you; I bet that cute couple just got done fighting about who cheated on who and now they are making up... This always seems to help me :) We were given this life for a reason. All the hardships one has to endure only builds character! Think of anything bad that has ever happened to you... Most likely something good has came of it! I could sit for days and think of things to improve in my life and in myself.. but I find most days it is a waste of time.. You are who you are for a reason. I have lost loved ones too early, had my heart torn out and spit on, been to hell and back. But the loved ones I lost taught be that today could be your day. You never know when your last day is so we need to live in the moment and forget about the rest. That "guy" who broke my heart proved to me that he wasn't worth my time. That I deserve someone who loves me for me.. We all wish we were different people at times but be thankful for who you are! No one has "Your Story"!